I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
