did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
