Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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