So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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