I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
