Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
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if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
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It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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