I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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