FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
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I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize