did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
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My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize