she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize