Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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