his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
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two words: eviction party
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
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I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck