he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?