Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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