Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately