just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma