I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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