walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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