Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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