Pants 0. Shit 1.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
