I showed him my bush... on skype.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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