I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
