I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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