Redeem this text for a blowjob
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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