I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
