Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
