OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
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I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
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He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi