dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
I have to watch that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
What's dad's email?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.