this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
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I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?