If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.