Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I touched a dick in church today
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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