Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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