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were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
