We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I AM VODKA MAN
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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