SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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