Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
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I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"