My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!