I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dating After Heartbreak
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.