im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"