While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!