I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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