I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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