Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
