i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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