i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
