One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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