You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup