two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I am never drinking with the goths again.