I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
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I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother