In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.