He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How