You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.