I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
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Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
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Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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