Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
what day is it and did you see me today?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
