We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
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I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
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I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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