how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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