I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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