I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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