why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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