please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...