yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep