this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
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it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
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I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.