I chose taco bell over sex...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.