Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
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Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.