sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
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dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
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She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.