I wannas sexs uuuuu
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
