If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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