We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
