can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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